I have now made it through a week in Ohio. At times, I feel so alone and simply long to talk face to face with someone from Indiana. It is the little things I miss most.
I miss my dad making coffee every morning. I miss our family devotions together. I miss my mom coming and sitting on my little chair in my room and simply chatting with me as I got ready for work. I miss her coming up the stairs saying, "It smells like fire...Brooke, your burning your hair!!!" I miss simply sitting on the couch with Nicole and catching up after a long day of work. I miss beading with her. I miss watching her take pictures of anything and everything we did and then quickly sharing it with the world on Instagram. I miss the smart little comments Lauren use to say to me. She could always make me smile and laugh. I miss my cat..and I miss the pounce I would get on my bed in the middle of the night. I miss his morning cries insisting that I feed him right NOW! I miss my dear friend Kemisha. I simply miss spending time with her. I miss "working out" (I don't know if you would really call it a work out..our brisk walks were more like a stroll) I miss laughing together and sharing so much with one another. I miss my church terribly. My church really is more like a family to me. There are so many people that I miss seeing on a regular basis.
One night was especially difficult for me. I remember feeling so absolutely alone. I knew no one in Ohio and I longed to simply be with the people I knew and loved. I felt like I could not make it all alone. However, the following morning God truly revealed Himself to me. Through His Holy Word, the Lord reminded me time and time again that He was with me. I am not alone. I spent a long while with God that morning and I truly felt His presence with me telling me He would not send me somewhere without His presence.
It seemed like as soon as I told God your right..."You are all I need." God put me to the test.
Monday, I got the call saying, "Brooke, mom has cancer.."
The first thing that came to my mind was why?
I was sitting in my classroom lesson planning..I immediately gathered my stuff and left. I had absolutely no one to talk to. If I had gotten the news in Indiana I know I would have immediately ran to someone for comfort. But here in Ohio..I had no one to run to..no one that is but God. I gathered my Bible and my journal drove to the lake and sat there for three hours...
After those hours alone..I can honestly say I truly learned God is all I need.
I don't know why God chose my mom
I don't know why God chose now...I hadn't even been Ohio a whole week when I got the news. My older sister's wedding is rapidly approaching...why now?
I don't know.. I simply don't know the answer to all the questions that are flooding my mind. But I do know God has a reason for allowing things to happen. I may not understand his wisdom but I must trust His will..He knows what is best.
"When my heart is overwhelmed lead to the rock that is higher than I."